Missing Mister Rogers:
war and the age of innocence

"IS it true, Mama?" my six-year-old daughter came to me tearfully one night a few weeks ago. "Is it true that Mister Rogers is dead?"

She wept in my arms as I hugged her. I wished I could give her more comfort. My little girl saw the announcement on the public television station PBS after she had just watched one of her favorite cartoons, "Dragon Tales."

"I'll never see Mister Rogers again!" Daughter sobbed.

"Of course you can," I assured her. "They have lots and lots of his shows on video, you know. So they'll just play them again and again."

Later that night, my husband and I tried to soothe Daughter's feelings. "Do you know where Mister Rogers will stay forever?"

Daughter smiled. She knew what we were driving at. We had this conversation about three years ago when her grandmother died. She put her hand on the left side of her chest. "I know, here in my heart," she answered.

My daughter's reaction to the death of Fred Rogers, the dearly loved star of the children's television series Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, has been on my mind since President George W. Bush started bearing down on Iraq. Now Bush is past the point of bearing down. He has given Saddam Hussein an ultimatum: Get out or get bombed! The possibility of war has become more and more real -- it could happen this week, it could happen today. Tens of thousands of people -- Iraqis, Americans, soldiers, civilians, torturers and innocents, non-Iraqis, non- Americans, anyone who happens to be in the line of fire -- could be killed. All of them could die and yet Mister Rogers and my daughter are still in my thoughts.

It is quite surreal. I will always treasure the memory of a little girl's tears for an old puppeteer who sang about his neighborhood while changing into his sweater and sneakers. I would like to preserve that moment of innocence when a little girl grieved for the cheerful man who spoke calmly and simply, and explained complex concepts in a way little kids can grasp. I am sure my daughter was not the only child who cried for Mister Rogers.

I am also sure my daughter is not the only child unaware that countless other children may soon be grieving en masse for the fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, or friends they had just lost in a violent event none of them is responsible for.

I wonder how Mister Rogers would have explained this looming war to a small child. I wonder how he would have explained death and destruction caused by war. I'm sure he would have found a way to tell kids that it's okay to be afraid, to be sad, or to be angry. He always encouraged children to express their emotions.

I know what he once advised parents about helping children deal with tragedy: "What they need to hear most from us adults is that they can talk with us about anything they want and that we'll do all we can to help keep them safe no matter what goes on in the world."

After the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist bombing of the World Trade Center, Mister Rogers advised parents: "Don't wallow or obsess. It is not healthy for anyone to watch nonstop television, especially coverage of terrorism and war. It can be very dangerous for kids, especially those "little listeners" who cannot differentiate between what is distant and what is close, what is pretend and what is real. Older children know when they are being lied to. We must not deny the reality of terrible events. But televisions can be turned off, sensational newspaper and magazine stories filed away, and table conversations that add to children's fears kept to a minimum." I can almost hear him uttering similar words in reference to the current threat of war. I am so glad he had written down his words of wisdom.

Ironically, as I was researching for this piece, I discovered that President Bush had awarded Mister Rogers and 11 others the Presidential Medal of Freedom in July 2002. In his speech, Bush said, "The Presidential Medal of Freedom is the highest civil honor our nation can bestow. And we award it today to 12 outstanding individuals. The men and women we honor span the spectrum of achievement. Some are fighters; others are healers; all have left an enduring legacy of hope and courage and achievement." I'm sure Bush was referring to Mister Rogers as one of the healers. This just added to the surrealism of this time as I absorb the constant media reportage and analysis of impending war while my daughter's mourning for Mister Rogers remains in the back of my mind.

Now that President Bush is about to launch an attack on Hussein's Iraq, I am even more saddened that Mister Rogers is dead. As thousands are sure to die and small children in safe homes will inevitably learn about it, either from their parents' own carelessness in allowing them to be exposed to adult media or from outside sources, the calmness of Mister Rogers will be sorely missed. The constant reassuring smile he brought into countless kids' lives is the kind we all sure can use now.

To read more about the Mister Rogers' thoughts, follow these links:

http://www.fci.org/corporate_information/current_releases.asp?get_ext=23 ("Helping Children With Tragic Events in the News")

http://www.fci.org/corporate_information/current_releases.asp?get_ext=26 ("Kids Still Need Help with Sept. 11")

http://www.fci.org/corporate_information/current_releases.asp?get_ext=32 ("Remembering September 11th").

To learn more about Fred Rogers and Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, follow these links:

http://www.fci.org/mister_rogers_neighborhood/

http://pbskids.org/rogers/

Some helpful links to sites with information about how to talk to children about war and death:

http://my.webmd.com/content/article/61/67258.htm?lastselectedguid={5FE84E90-BC77-4056-A91C-9531713CA348}

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/death.htm

http://www.nncc.org/Guidance/understand.death.html

http://www.ext.nodak.edu/extpubs/yf/famsci/fs441w.htm

http://www.ext.nodak.edu/extpubs/yf/famsci/fs441w.htm

http://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html

Romina Saha is a fulltime mom and freelance writer and copy editor based in San Jose, California. She may be reached at ConnectionsRS@aol.com.