The Balls in the Jar

WHEN my eldest son came home for the weekend, the first time since he went off to college, our family celebrated the occasion by going out to dinner. At the restaurant, his two younger brothers peppered him with questions as they were eager to find out what college life is like. In a few years, I thought, they too will be there and our home will be an
empty nest.

As I watched them, I wondered if I was spending as much time with them as I should. There is such a short period of time that our kids live with us before they sprout wings and fly on their own. As I assess my life, I see that I have a full plate with my law practice, my job as president of the San Francisco Community College Board and with other community activities like writing this weekly column. On my deathbed, looking back at my life, I know I won't be regretting that I wish I had spent more time writing or attending meetings. I may very well wish I had spent more time with my family.

I thought about my priorities. As I did so, I recalled the story of the golf balls in the mayonnaise jar which I had read in the bulletin board of an immigration examiner while waiting for my client to be interviewed. The article had no author so I could not attribute the quotes to a source. As I could not take down the article from the board, I jotted down notes. When I shared the story with my wife, she suggested that I share it with my readers.

The article was about a college professor who started his philosophy class by presenting his students with a large empty mayonnaise jar. He then proceeded to fill it with golf balls. "Is this jar full?" he asked his students. They nodded in agreement.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles under the table which he dumped into the jar, which he shook to allow the pebbles to roll into the open areas. "Is the jar full now?" he asked again. And again the students agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand, also from under the table, which he poured into the jar. The sand filled up what little space there was left. "Would you say the jar was now full?" he asked. The students responded with a loud "Yes!" This time they were really sure.

The professor smiled and then produced two cups of coffee which he poured into the jar filling the empty spaces in the jar.

When the professor announced that the jar was now full, the students laughed.

The professor then told his students that the jar represents each one's life. The golf balls are the important things -- your God, your family, your health, your community, your friends -- whatever you consider to be the most important things in your life. "Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full," he said.

The pebbles, on the other hand, represent the other things that matter to you such as your job, your house, perhaps your car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff -- like your computer, your cell phone, your HDTV, your DVDs, your shoes and clothes.

If you pour the sand into the jar first, the professor told his students, then you won't have space for the golf balls and the pebbles.

"If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff," he said, "then you will never have room for the things that are truly important to you."

The professor told his students to pay attention to the things that are "truly critical to your happiness." You should make time to spend with their family, he said. You should go on vacations together. You should take time to get your medical check-ups. Play golf or tennis or go swimming at the YMCA. There will be time enough to clean the house or buy another shirt or skirt.

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

As his words sank in to his students, one of them raised her hand and asked the professor "What about the cups of coffee?"

"I'm glad you asked," he said. "It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room to share a cup of coffee with a friend."

Here's a question: Is your involvement in the empowerment of the Filipino community -- or in the progress of the Philippines -- a golf ball, a pebble or a grain of sand?

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