Marriage and family

IT'S something that we should not take for granted. The institutions of marriage and family, as we know them in the original, i.e., as taught by natural law and by the Catholic Church, should always be defended and protected.

There are tendencies springing sporadically at the moment in many places, and even right here in our country, that tend to undermine the very nature of these basic elements in our lives.

We have to keep in mind that once these institutions are denatured, some radical transformation in the lives of both individual persons and society in general, will also take place.

We can see this quite clearly in the experiences of people and societies where the nature of marriage and family has been watered down, contaminated, if not severely compromised.

The concepts of love and commitment, for example, have gone very far away from their original meaning. Love is not so much self-giving as the pursuit of self-satisfaction now.

Commitment now seems incapable of existing without external conditions. The sense of commitment that is absolute, that is until death, that goes on "for richer, for poorer, in health or in sickness" is disappearing.

In the US alone, where divorce is legal, the divorce rate at present is heading towards 60 percent. This means that more than one in two marriages end up in divorce. Sad to say, even among Catholics, the rate is basically the same.

I doubt if that is any indication of health in a person or in a society. If anything at all, that rate can only speak of a sickness, a generalized one.

Just imagine the other problems that usually go with divorce -- the welfare of the children, the pain and suffering of the weaker divorced spouse, the kind of atmosphere it generates in society, etc.

We don't have the relevant statistics here in the Philippines. But it cannot be denied that these institutions are also facing severe tests and pressures. Many marriages and families are suffering because people are not following the objective nature of marriage and family.

There are even now pressures to legalize things like divorce that certainly will radically alter both our personal and social lives. Of course, anti-marriage and anti-family practices like contraception and sterilization have long been promoted here, giving selfish benefits to some but creating greater problems for everyone.

Worse, there are now some political leaders, who even question the objectivity of natural law and the authority of the Catholic Church to talk about marriage and family. They offer instead their own ideas, mostly based on abnormal situations, then start to rationalize certain practices that are usually regarded as aberrations.

We should all feel the urgent need to defend and protect the true nature of marriage and family, and everything that contributes to the vitality of these two fundamental institutions.

There has to be better coordination and organization among all people concerned so that this aim can be effectively pursued. Especially now when we face some smart-alecky persons who glibly promote anti-marriage and anti-family things, we need people who can charitably and truthfully expose their fallacies.

I was impressed by the initiative of an American couple who put up what is now known as the Alexander House in Austin, Texas. Greg and Julie Alexander started it three years ago after they themselves bounced back from the brink of divorce and discovered the power of the sacrament of marriage.

The couple has made one interesting observation to describe the crisis of marriage and family in the US today.

"Marriage continues to decline," Greg says, "because we have moved so far away from God's original intention for marriage. We have traded in God's plan for something more in vogue, more modern or more politically correct. We are bombarded with messages from society that degrade the beauty of marriage."

When asked what were some of the main problems he encountered in his work with troubled marriages, Greg says:

"Two of the most common problems that we see evolve from sex and communication. It isn't a coincidence that this is the case because sex and communication are so closely linked together.

"Pope John Paul II said that the ultimate way that God communicates his life and love to mankind is through the conjugal union between husband and wife.

"Therefore, if we are contracepting or sterilizing the very act that allows God to communicate his love and life to us as a couple, then how can we verbally communicate as husband and wife?"

Let's try to reflect a little on this observation, a result of lived experience of a couple who have gone to the edge and have managed to come back to safety.