You have a homosexual child?

WHAT do you do when you discover your child is a homosexual, or as is now more politically correct to say, has same-sex attraction?

I am afraid to say that more and more parents these days find themselves asking this painful and unsettling question. It's no easy thing, I know. And it can really unnerve anyone.

I remember passing by some school recently and was, quite frankly, shocked to see that even among the very young students, you can see bands of them flocking together, usually boys who act as if they were girls.

I immediately thought of their parents and their families who had to bear the burden of this situation. And I pray that something be done to find some relief if not radical solutions to this problem -- for a problem, a deep, complicated one it truly is -- in spite of what some gay groups may say.

The point is that all parties concerned should be justifiably appeased and helped, not only the parents and the families but also and most especially the children directly affected by this disorder.

And for this to happen, in the end what is needed is that we respect the objective truth and meaning about human sexuality. We just have to learn how to blend charity with the requirements of the objective truth about homosexuality.

It's not easy to say that we have to accept everybody else as he or she is, and yet also encouraging everyone to struggle to be better, to conform more to what is objectively right and good for us.

It won't help to say that homosexuality is not a disorder, that it is just one more sexual orientation that anyone is absolutely free to choose. That position, while appearing very civil and even charitable, just does not correspond to reality.

The government and all its local units, nongovernmental organizations, and other private sector groups can always lend a hand. The thing is that families should be adequately equipped to handle this situation. And the children concerned should be helped.

But there is still an awful lot to know about this problem. At the moment, ignorance, confusion, errors and biases, sad to say, still prevail. There are still a lot of questions still unanswered, relevant issues not adequately resolved.

That's no easy thing to do. Many times we think that charity on one hand and justice and truth on the other simply cannot be balanced and blended together, which is not true. Yes, it's true we have to go very slow in this, but we have to move.

Among the biases and gratuitous claims made about homosexuality is that it is must be genetically determined.

While experts and professionals in the field say homosexuality is often not a personal choice, there is no hard evidence to indicate that it is genetically caused.

What comes to my mind is that things must be so generally bad and confused these days that we just have this kind of illness and disorder in the air, threatening to spread like an epidemic, much like what happened with SARS.

There are several factors that could shed light on the phenomenon, but even up to now those involved in helping the people concerned are still at a loss. They don't make much sense nor can they come up with a really comprehensive understanding of the phenomenon.

It seems we still have to go through a million steps before arriving at a safe point where we can say with confidence that we are handling the situation properly.

But we can always start. Thus, I was happy to hear that in the US, a certain group spearheaded by some religious priests is working on this project. They call themselves Courage, an appropriate name for the challenge they have to face.

I just hope that given the number of cases we have in the Philippines -- you don't have to cite scientific statistics to claim what is so obvious -- something similar can be put up.

Again, all parties, sectors, the government and the Catholic Church, whatever, can and should join hands.

What is important also to realize is that the approach to solving this problem cannot ignore the importance of personal spiritual direction. While individual psychological therapies are useful, the spiritual dimension of the issue should not be neglected.

Of course, we also have to consider what aspects in the family, in school, in our society, in our culture, etc., need to be rectified, purified and healed, so that it can be a better environment for everyone to develop properly.