'Pulong-pulong, turo-turo, ukay-ukay'
By Noralyn Mustafa
Inquirer News Service

A RATHER confused reader wrote to ask what I made of this series of pulong-bayan being conducted by the most desirable woman in the country-Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, whom "all men in the Philippines" would like to make beso-beso with.

Well, begging due understanding for my usual hyperboles-which are the only way one can write about such things-for one thing, this is reality TV that beats all others of whatever network, rivaled in the ratings only by Dinky Soliman's teleserye.

This is where you have the chance to see GMA for all that she is, which of course is not entirely surprising, as it is what we have learned to expect whenever she is left without a teleprompter.

GMA is admittedly telegenic, and although her voice, manner of speaking, enunciation, verbal bloopers ("anim na libong schoolhouses -- ay, tatlong libo pala") are a test of endurance for any boob-tube masochist, what you see is what you get. And you couldn't ask for more.

Here, you see how meticulous GMA is, fretting about the arrangement of the chairs and the backdrop of the stage, with as much passion as she displayed during her first televised soliloquy, remember? You know that "I will crush you" piece, complete with hand gestures, directed at the Abu Sayyaf. Sometime later, if I remember right, the ASG raided Dos Palmas and did an imitation of the Salome gift-giving with the head of hostage Guillermo Sobero on Independence Day.

That she is a strong leader is without question. Watch how she can, with much political will, subject her own Cabinet officials to public humiliation for even the most minor infractions (that backdrop, those chairs). How much more if she catches them committing such crimes as graft and corruption?

It is so reassuring to see how Cabinet secretaries, whose collective mantra is "I serve at the pleasure of the President," are in awe of her, as they should be to ensure perfect coordination and teamwork -- as essential to smooth governance --when we witness labor secretary Patricia Sto. Tomas nodding at GMA's every word, like a doll whose head has gone unscrewed.

And best of all, we know that despite the Dinky episode, all's perfectly well with the two highest officials of the land, with Vice President Noli de Castro assuming the role of court jester, laughing heartily at every display of the Taray Queen quality, like when she issued a stern warning sa lahat ng mga lalaki sa buong bansa not to kiss her because she was "conservative."

But aside from the outburst and the laughter, these pulong-pulong are serious business because they fully demonstrate why GMA is called, at least in her own TV program, "The Working President" (as compared to that boozer with his co-called "midnight cabinet" and his well publicized "para sa masa" sentiments).

Because you couldn't get more grassroots than this, and if the entire episode is contrived and scripted as some say, it certainly doesn't show. The manner and method, rooted as it is in our culture, is governance at its most elementary, although I notice they have foregone sitting on the floor. Good decision. Rheumatism and arthritis have a way of creeping up on you in your most unguarded moments.

This is how it goes: GMA and De Castro preside over some kind of town meeting with selected constituents in the area, local government officials and selected members of the Cabinet. In so many words, GMA would tell them "you make turo-turo your problems and I will make ukay-ukay the solutions." Just like that. Nothing complicated, really.

Truth to tell, the complications in our lives are brought about by these profit-driven companies who keep on raising the prices of oil and all other commodities, these hardheaded couples who keep on coupling without counting, those past presidents who kept on making utang, a bureaucracy that keeps on spending but can't keep up with collecting except for themselves; the New People's Army, the National Democratic Front, the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, the Abu Sayyaf, the Jemaah Islamiyah, Keanna Reeves, the opposition, Geroge W. Bush, Colin Powell, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleeza Rice, and even those pesky leftist militants who keep on making monstrous papier mache figures as if they had nothing better to do with their time.

But not all is lost. The most sensible thing that has gotten into the news this week is the announcement by Basilan Rep. Gerry Salapuddin about the joint resolution by Mindanao congressmen seeking to postpone the ARMM elections with very logical built-in conditions: there will be no hold-over capacities, and a new set of officials will be appointed to serve until the elections in May, who themselves will be barred from running in those elections to ensure that they cannot take advantage of their offices in pursuit of their electoral ambitions, if any.

Why didn't the framers of the Constitution think of something like this when they formulated the provisions on the presidency? Because they didn't contemplate accidents, aborted terms, jueteng, Chavit Singson and Dinky Soliman with her civil society?

But then, there is the Comelec that can't count both money and votes.

It is really time to appreciate the urgency of shifting to a federal system, before GMA makes good on her promise to Francis Ricciardone to make Mindanao "the most important front in the war on terrorism."

And this was said not in the pulong, but before the Manila Overseas Press Club. You can't get any more serious than that.