The sum of our fears
By Noralyn Mustafa
Inquirer News Service

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BEFORE I DIE OF FRIGHT FROM WATCHING Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo (with blazing eyes and amplified voice threatening us "with the full force of the law") and Raul Gonzalez (mumbling about his sneaky "research" on a draft that would arm Ms Arroyo with emergency powers), I appeal to all independent television stations to please spare us any more announcements like "the President is going to address the nation this afternoon, etc."

Even in the best of times, neither GMA nor Gonzalez is a pretty sight. When my neighbors and I are debating on which is the better alternative --charcoal or firewood -- to the LPG that we can no longer afford, the faces of these two appearing on TV effectively constitute cruel and unusual -- even unbearable -- punishment.

It is not so much that they defy all known rules and standards of aesthetics which is, to us, the most depressing and distressing; it is how they are so blatantly conniving, together with their co-conspirators, to slowly but inexorably establish a reign of fear, repression, prohibition and secrecy, with or without the illegal executive orders that Ms Arroyo has been issuing in clear violation of the Constitution.

In this kind of atmosphere, suspense can be debilitating; and fear of the unknown, expecting the unexpected can actually kill.

But even if I die today, I will bring with me the images of those defiant students who were mercilessly hosed down by Ms Arroyo's police forces last Thursday while they were on their way to Mendiola. So moved by the whole blessed night, I immediately ransacked my junkbox and frantically searched for my sandals (leather, no Mojo yet that time) and bell bottoms (they still fit!), the poncho and beads I got at the Baguio market, and the ankh and peace pendants bought from a sidewalk in Quiapo.

Like me and the rest of my generation, these objects from my youth lived through the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. We have waited for three decades for the morning to come at last. This was my way of being with the rest of my generation in spirit.

While we, their fathers and mothers either cowered in fear at the sight of Ms Arroyo reappearing after her periodic disappearances, the students held their ground without fear, determined to face the full might and brutality of water cannons with their frail bodies. They stood defiant, taking upon themselves the daunting duty of righting the wrong that their elders have brought upon their country and their people.

Though in numbers they were pitifully few compared to the thousands who marched to Congress in that defining moment that, since then, would be remembered as the First Quarter Storm, I saw in them what could be the coming of the Last Quarter Storm. They voiced the hidden hopes of millions across the country.

Three years ago, I had a chance meeting with one of them who was introduced to me as among those who kept watch over the Dos Palmas hostages. After he showed me the photos to prove his claim, I asked him why they killed Guillermo Sobero.

"She (Ms Arroyo) dared us," he replied, too casually for comfort. "Dare" is the closest I can think of for that word in Bahasa Sug, a language so rich in the nuances of its synonyms, so much gets lost in translation.

That "dare" must have been when she gave that unfortunate "I will crush you" speech directed at the Abu Sayyaf, with matching school-girl gestures.

"So answering her dare was more important to you than the millions you could possibly have gotten in ransom for Sobero?"

"Of course," he replied almost instantly. "Just think, a woman, a very small woman, daring us! Erap (ousted President Joseph Estrada) is not that stupid, not even the commander of Southcom is that stupid, because we had the hostages!"

To Senate President Franklin Drilon and to all the honorable senators of the land, you who are our legitimate representatives, who were voted into office by a national electorate, though few in numbers, you remain our only protectors against an illegitimate and oppressive dictatorship.

As others have been coopted with bribes and promises of bribes, may you stand as firm and as defiant as your sons and daughters last Thursday in cutting up Ms Arroyo's congressional justice committee's version of the anti-terrorism bill, and craft one that cannot be used against our youth when they want to cross Mendiola.

A law like that in the hands of one who is in constant mortal fear of being ousted from office -- because she has been found to have no legitimate claim to it, and because the Senate keeps on uncovering venalities in her administration --would be like giving a naughty child a can of gasoline and a lighter to play with.

But more than this, an anti-terrorism law -- as drafted by Ms Arroyo's allies -- will not minimize, much less eradicate terrorism in our midst; it will inspire it.

Because as many as those who are caught and jailed, as many will take their place in the front lines, more defiant, more determined to fight oppression. You cannot strike fear in the hearts of those who can as readily kill as they are willing to be killed in the pursuit of their aims. You cannot dare an invisible enemy who holds the hostages.

For we, especially in Mindanao, are in a very real sense, the hostages held by of the terrorists in our midst, mingling with us, striking in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected moments; paralyzing us in state of "overcautiousness," rendering us unable to live our lives as we normally, let alone ideally, should.

And worse, we are held hostage by fear itself, and the sum of all our fears is Ms Arroyo herself.

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