Top 10 reasons Americans
are safer here than in USA
By the Lifestyle staff
Inquirer News Service
HERE'S our counter to the recent travel advisory issued by the
US Department of State cautioning American tourists and residents
in the Philippines against "a number of security-related
incidents and the possibility of future terrorism, kidnappings,
and other violence or criminal activity."
10. Though we have our share of religious cultists, we can
sleep secure in the knowledge that no wackos here have sent
American children to kingdom come as they did in Waco, Texas.
9. Traffic in Manila is so horrendous Americans are not likely
to die from drunk driving even after cleaning Hard Rock out
of its last drop of alcohol. Road rage is another story, of
course, but so is it on the Los Angeles freeways.
8. Abandoned buildings where snipers can shoot at Yankee
VIPs in a passing motorcade become instant housing for squatters.
7. There is no secret supremacist society that persecutes
people of other races because the Filipino can never keep
a secret, is too nosy and thinks other races are better than
his own.
6. Pinoys can never become terrorists because they'd rather
spend their time in a videoke bar than in a Taliban training
camp.
5. No teener with a grievance against a teacher has smuggled
an AK-47 into school and annihilated half the campus population
because his teachers are highly likely to still owe his mom
for Avon products.
4. Local flights are usually delayed so the baddies will
think twice about commandeering a passenger jet and slamming
it onto the US embassy.
3. Our gallery of toughies has not produced a Rambo who can
single-handedly ruin lives and properties, although an action
star playing the role of President has done that, and rumor
is rife that another action star is similarly inclined.
2. In this country where serial killers of the Ted Bundy
garden variety) have yet to make their kill, the only thing
Americans need to steer clear of are TV serials but, surely,
corny soaps won't kill them like drugs and AIDS can.
And the No. 1 reason Americans are safer here than in their
own country is . . .
1. The Greenhills tiangge, though usually crowded, is the
last place the Al-Qaida will bomb, especially the hawking
area for pearls and pirated VCDs. If in doubt, ask US Assistant
Commerce Secretary William Lash III and his FBI security,
who felt safe enough to drop in recently for a photo-op. (Do
they have the balls to do the same in the world capital of
piracy -- China?)
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