DEC. 18. The first day of the Leo Magno PocketPC trial commences. Magno is being tried on four counts: use of a strange equipment, nonconformity with existing standards, public declaration of PDA (personal digital assistant) preference and use of a product from (shudder) Microsoft Corp.

Chief Justice Hilarious David acts as the Presiding judge, Rep. Serious Apostle is lead counsel for the prosecution and Magno will stand as his own counsel in an act bordering on schizophrenia. The 22 senators of the republic will act as Senator-judges. The proceedings went on as follows:

Hilarious David: Honorable Senator-judges, counsels from both parties, this court is now in session.

Prosecutor Serious Apostle, you may now call the witness to the stand.

Serious Apostle: Your honor, I call to the stand Mr. Leo Magno. We also present to the court Exhibit Kee as earlier marked . . .

David: Exhibit what?!?

Apostle: Exhibit Kee, your honor. "Kee" as in "Mona Keekee."

David: Ah. Exhibit K, the Hewlett-Packard Jornada 548. Witness Magno is so ordered to approach the stand with the evidence, having earlier been given a Subpwena Ad Testificandum Aquarium E. Pluribus Unum. Direct investigation, Prosecutor?

Apostle: (Approaches witness stand where Magno is situated, holding the Jornada 548 as evidence.) Mr. Magno, we shall commence with the first count of accusation, the use of a strange equipment. Could you describe to this august body Exhibit Kee which you now hold in your hand?

Magno: This, your honor, is Hubert, my PocketPC. It is a personal digital assistant or PDA. The hardware itself is made by different manufacturers—Compaq, Symbol Technologies, Casio and Hewlett-Packard. However, the commonality of these machines is the PocketPC operating system from Microsoft Corp.

Apostle: PocketPC OS? Is it not that PDAs run on the Palm OS?

Magno: No you honor. That is the common misconception. Not all PDAs run on the Palm OS. This one runs on the PocketPC OS.

Apostle: I see. So, not running on the traditional Palm OS, wouldn’t you call Hubert, that equipment of yours, strange?

Magno: I don’t think so, your honor. Many people may be familiar with Windows CE, the earlier version of the PocketPC OS. This new OS in PocketPCs is actually the latest version of Windows CE, minus the kinks plus more functionality such as better memory management and speed. So, since it’s been around for quite a while, it should not be a strange equipment anymore. It is only strange to people who are not familiar with it, especially since PocketPCs are not yet shipping in volume to the Philippines. Ignorance of the product leads people to avoid it.

Apostle: But are you not aware that 70 percent of PDAs run on the Palm OS?

Magno: I am aware of that, your honor, but preferring a lesser-known equipment over a more popular one can hardly be construed as strange. That’s probably why some people still drive around in Saabs.

Apostle: Mr. Chief Justice David, this is related to the second count against witness Magno, nonconformity with existing standards. In the interest of saving time, the prosecution submits that the proceeding questions be put on record as testimony for both counts.

David: Motion is granted.

Apostle: Thank you, your honor. Now Mr. Magno, bearing in mind that 70 percent of the world uses the Palm OS, would you not say that it is now the standard and that you are not conforming to this standard?

Magno: Standards change in this fast-paced industry, your honor. And as long as the Palm OS or the PocketPC adhere to technical standards, I do not see any reason why one should be banned from using any device of his preference.

Apostle: But even the size of Exhibit Kee—that Jornada 548 which you call Hubert—does not adhere to the form factor of the Palm or the IBM Workpad or the Handspring Visor. It is obviously bigger in size. Your honor, Mr. Chief Justice David, we ask that a ruler be brought to court to measure Exhibit Kee.

David: Very well, then. The chair will ask the Senate sergeant-at-arms to produce a ruler to measure Exhibit K, the Jornada 548.

Sergeant-at-arms: I am sorry, your honor. We do not have a ruler at present.

David: No ruler? Well, the chair then rules that it cannot make a ruling without a ruler. Does the witness know the dimensions of Exhibit K?

Magno: Yes your honor. It is half an inch thick, 3.1 inches wide and 5.2 inches long.

Apostle: Is that not bigger and heavier than the Palm?

Magno: Slightly, your honor. Yet you can still carry it around as you would a Palm, and the extra heft makes up for the extra power.

Apostle: Explain.

Magno: Well, your honor, the Jornada 548 has 32 Mb of memory, it has a Type 1 CompactFlash slot not available in other PocketPCs like the Compaq iPaq, it can read e-mail attachments, comes with Word, Excel, an E-book reader, e-mail software and Web browser, Windows Media Player and a speaker, a voice recorder and microphone, an infrared port, stereo headphone jack, a colored screen, a USB and serial port and a built-in screen cover not present in most Palm or PocketPCs.

David: The chair recognizes the honorable Senator-judge Tita Sotto-Voce who is raising his hand. After which we shall recognize the honorable Senator-judge Blasted Opel. What is your pleasure, Tita?

Sotto-Voce: Your honor, my pleasure is being given a massage by Pepsi Paloma, but I would like to ask the witness what is the relevance of these features he mentioned.

David: Witness should answer.

Magno: Your honor, these features I have just mentioned allow me to connect to the Internet straight from my PocketPC. I have a 56K Type 1 CompactFlash modem—the smallest modem I have ever seen—which

I got as an accessory for $120. This allows me to get my mail and view the Inquirer.net from anywhere with a phone line. In other words, I no longer need to sync with my PC or be dependent on my PC when I need to send or retrieve mail. This makes my Jornada 548 a true mobile machine. Not even the Compaq iPaq has a CompactFlash slot, which prohibits it from being an online PDA unless you buy a sleeve accessory for the CompactFlash slot, after which you have to buy the modem. This makes my PDA Hubert an e-mail device at the same time. I wonder how many Palm users out there are now downloading e-mail and browsing sites straight from their PDAs? What’s more, I get to view HTML files from my Jornada.

The site won’t appear in full onscreen and you have to scroll left and right or up and down, but you can set it for viewing fit to screen, small, medium or large. Most Palm users out there still rely on AvantGo, which by the way the PocketPC can also use.

David: The chair now recognizes the honorable Senator-judge Blasted Opel. What is your pleasure, Senator-judge Opel?

Opel: Zzzzz. . .

David: Senator Opel?

Opel: Zzzzz. . .

David: Anyway, witness may proceed with his testimony.

Magno: As I was saying, your honor, Hubert not only acts as a glorified organizer. Yes it can hold my contact numbers, manage my schedule, the usual calendar and games and downloadable freeware out there such as Peacemaker which allows me to beam data from the PocketPC to and from Palms. I can record voice notes for later reference or even as personal reminders for meetings. I can read e-mail attachments like Word files or JPEG images, something Palms cannot do, if ever you can connect it directly to a phone at all. I can download an e-book from the Net and read it from my Jornada 548. I can play Golf or card games, play MP3 music and even watch video. I actually have a 16Mb CompactFlash disk which I got for $50 where I can store MP3s, Word files or any file at all, even though the Jornada 548 already has 32Mb of memory. Your honor, I do not think that these benefits which I get from using the PocketPC makes me guilty of using a strange device or nonconformity with existing standards.

Apostle: Which leads us to the third count against you, Mr. Magno: public declaration of PDA preference. You have written articles in the Philippine Daily Inquirer and its online version—which is now the 21st most-read news website worldwide—openly stating your preference of the PocketPC over the Palm. This has caused undue stress to the reading public and to Mapalad, that group of Palm users. What can you say about that?

Magno: Your honor, if Mapalad or anyone else does not like what I wrote and do not subscribe to my opinion that the PocketPC is better, then they have the right to feel that way. The same way I have the right to say that I think the Palm is a glorified organizer when placed side by side with a Jornada 548. I don’t see anyone trying to stop Palm fanatics from writing how they feel about the Palm. Moreover, those who get ticked off by my declarations should first ask themselves: Have they ever tried using a PocketPC? I have tried both platforms, your honor—I used to be a Palm user—and what I write are based on experience. If they say that they don’t want to even try using a PocketPC because it’s expensive—I got the Jornada 548 for $549—well, that’s their problem.

Apostle: It is expensive indeed since you can get an M100 Palm for less than $200, can you not?

Magno: Yes, your honor, but the entry-level version of the Palm is little more than a calculator-organizer with limited memory of 4Mb. If you think that’s good enough for you, then by all means go ahead and buy it.

Apostle: What about allegations that you are a Microsoft supporter and that your PocketPC could have even been "donated" by Microsoft, which leads us to the fourth count against you, Mr. Magno: use of a product from (shudder) Microsoft Corp.

Magno: First of all, your honor, I have the right to use any product I choose. And I choose to use the HP Jornada 548 which fits my needs. If the Palm fits your needs, then by all means go get one. Second, I am not a (shudder) Microsoft fan. I love bashing Bill Gates in my articles, as I’m sure the records will show.

And to all those who say I got my PocketPC for free, I say screw them, your honor. All in all, my complete PDA ensemble cost me about $720, all from hard-earned money. If that’s too much a price for many people to pay for a complete, wired PDA solution, well then stick with a Palm. But like most economies of scale, the price of the PocketPC might go down. Hell, I might even drop the PocketPC in the future if Pengachu—that Linux-based PDA—proves to be better and cheaper. But right now I love using the Jornada 548. It fits my lifestyle and my needs. It just so happened that it runs on (shudder) Microsoft software. If you found the right PDA for you, based on budget and needs, wouldn’t you get it? Wouldn’t you buy the device you like? Wouldn’t you try opening up your options if another product arrives?

Apostle: Objection your honor! The defense is badgering the witness!

Magno: I am the defense, you moron. I also am the witness.

David: Objection overruled.

Magno: In closing your honor, I believe my testimony shows that I am not guilty of the four articles filed against me. The defense rests.

David: Any cross-examination from the prosecution?

Apostle: Nothing further, your honor.

David: That being said, the chair will now hand down its decision, based on 14 votes from 22 of the

Senator-judges. What say you, ladies and gentlemen of the senate? Is the defendant guilty or not guilty of any of the four articles?

Senator-judges: ZZZZZZZZ.

David: Members of the Senate?

Senator-judges: ZZZZZZZZ.

David: Well, in light of the circumstances and seeing that our Senator-judges are still in a suspended state of consciousness, the chair rules that the accused is considered innocent until our Senator-judges awake from their slumber. Session is adjourned indefinitely.