ON APRIL Fools' Day, thoughts fly to tomfoolery--specifically, comedy, Pinoy style. Here are 12 ways to make Filipinos laugh:

1. Poke fun at people's plain looks, physical deformities or age. Our colonial "training" has made us favor western standards of beauty, so tall, fair-skinned and aquiline-nosed people are in, while short, dark and pango natives are so out that they're "funny"! Of course, nobody bothers to figure out why. Advanced age is also deemed risible. If you're on the wrong side of 40, you're a joke in youth-oriented Philippines. "Amoy-lupa na," "Panahon pa ni Mahoma"--that sort of anti-geriatric thing. Duh. Worst of all is our penchant for finding physical deformities "amusing." Some say that this is just a defense mechanism to cover up our sympathy for the poor, deformed ones--but what a cruel way to be sympathetic!

2. Come up with puns on everything. Somebody once said that punning is the lowest form of humor, but he obviously wasn't Filipino. We love to play around with words--the more obvious the pun, the "funnier." Take-offs on titles run along the lines of "Mekeni's Gold" for "McKenna's Gold." Names? "James Bondat" for James Bond, that sort of silly thing.

3. Green jokes. Filipinos may pride themselves on their conservatism, but we're really quite hung-up on sex--so, we love cracking jokes about body parts, urges, positions, etc.

Sometimes, the cracks are couched in leering double-talk, but more often the jokes are as gross and graphic as can be. Color us green with penis envy.

4. Brown humor. Jokes about defecation, wind-passing and other bodily processes in the nether region can be relied on to elicit whoops of "shocked" laughter. Those jokes aren't supposed to be cracked in polite company--but who's polite? Again, there's a psychological or sociological explanation given for our "brown" predisposition, and it really doesn't have anything to do with our kayumanggi coloring: We go for brown humor because our toilet facilities are primitive and lacking in privacy, resulting in embarrassing experiences that we try to salve with excretory humor. Figure that out!

5. Slapstick. Our propensity for physical humor is supposed to have been derived from American vaudeville, which we have further vulgarized and physicalized into bodabil--but tell that to the S&M freaks. No, our comedians like hitting each other with rolled newspapers and such because they can get a kneejerk laughing response everytime. Sure beats having to think up a punchline! Also, slapstick comedy is an "acceptable" manifestation of our violent streak, our need to get back at others, specially those "above" us, for real or imagined injustices. Well, if you say so…

6. Racist and sexist humor. We refuse to admit it, but quite a number of us are racist and sexist. Let's just say that we've learned our lessons only too well from our colonial masters. Thus, we think blacks are funny. Racist humor can also spring from envy, which is why we poke fun at the more prosperous Chinese in our midst. Our sexist humor is very much in the American mold. Like the Kano, we're hung up on huge mammaries, treat women like sex objects, and poke fun at them for being bimbos (or so we think). We think this is all terribly funny, but the joke is really on us.

7. Insults. It's easy to get laughs when our comedians shout at each other, "Ang pangit mo! Gago! Tarantado!" Sure beats having to write witty dialogue, doesn't it?

8. Knock-knock jokes. We love them because they're silly.

9. Dialect and regional jokes. People living in Imperial Manila find provincianos different, inferior and therefore funny, and love to poke fun at their mispronunciations, naivete and perceived regional traits--like Visayans are household help, Ilocanos are frugal to a fault, that sort of unenlightened thing.

10. Kolehiyala language. People are still giggling as they "make tusuk-tusok the fishball"--20 years after "kolehiyala" humor first emerged. Bad habits die hard!

11. Political jokes. Ah, things are looking up. To find political humor funny, we have to be informed, up-to-date with political developments and personalities, and have a point of view about all this. That's a lot better than slapstick, punning and knock-knock jokes. That more people are finding political jokes hilarious is a sign that the audience is wising up.