WE keep getting requests for more boob-tube booboos, so we've been watching a lot of television of late, jotting down the humorous boners that make some viewers' day. Our latest "harvest":

Host: Here's our next make-up tip. Ah, can you do the honors?

Guest: Of course! Our next make-up tip is, for the minimal make-up, what is now the in for the day!

(Wow, thanks for the tip!)

Host: What is your reaction when people criticize the way you talk, the way you dress--?

Star: Oh, it doesn't mind me!

(OK, OK…)

Host: What about the things they accuse you of, that have something to do with money?

Star: Oh, no, that's too much already. I didn't do anything yung accuse nila sa akin!

(OK, we believe you!)

Host: You have been coming out with strong statements in the media lately--against the people who have been hitting you--?

Official: Because they are all lies, all of them. If I don't speak up, the people might believe.

Host: And it's important to you that--?

Official: Of course, because once you lose the public confidence, you lose the public confidence!

(Thanks for sharing that wonderful insight!)

Newscaster: The latest report on the floods: From Pampanga--At least six provinces in Pampanga are now submerged in floodwaters!

(Name those six Pampanga provinces, please?)

Host: Next question for our contestant: Sa anong sport sumikat si Eugene Torre?

Contestant: Basketball!

(Checkmate!)

Field Reporter: …And that's the latest report on the floods in Central Luzon. Back to you at the studio.

Anchor: Well, thank you for that calamity news!

(Thanks, but no thanks!)

Host: What's the next step in the baking process that we're demonstrating for our viewers?

Expert Baker: It's easy! Next, we have to incorporate the flour in our mix very slowly and quickly!

(Hey, that's quite a trick!)

Host: What do you have to say about all the controversy over the move to change the Constitution?

Co-host: Well, kanya-kanyang- opinion naman yan. But I just want to point out, not all oppose the plan to tinker the Constitution.

(Tinker, tinker…!)

Host: How important is the study of history in our life today?

Guest: Oh, very. We can learn so much from our forebearers!

(Forebearers? Bago yon, a!)

Host: How do you read the mood of our countrymen these days?

Guest: Troubled. They are troubled, no doubt about it. And worried. For instance, many people are worried about the price in the price of oil prices!

(You know what? Your statement is--overpriced!)

Veejay: We're going to enjoy ourselves today, I promise you. For the span of our whole show, you will be entertaining your favorite love songs!

(Shouldn't it be the other way around?)

Host: What's the latest on the charges against Mayor _____?

Guest: The investigation is going well. Based on the evidence we gathered, we have already filed murder charges against the honorable mayor!

(How respectful!)

Host: What are your plans for your self for the new millennium?

Guest: I'm going to treat myself, to give myself a new look--magpapa-plaster surgery ako!