ULTRA Stampede

MANILA, Philippines--IN WILLIE REVILLAME'S dressing room in the ABS-CBN studios is a big brown sofa that also serves as a bed.

The "Wowowee" host jokes that he practically lives in the studio, 24-7.

You get the feeling he's serious.

He admits that he stayed in the dressing room for weeks after a very public breakup with his wife, model Liz Almoro.

Although he has since found a home in the outskirts of Quezon City, he still spends a lot of time here.

"I hang around [the studio] after the show, just in case I need to meet with the staff," he says.

Quite tellingly, the network didn't choose to celebrate the noontime game show's second anniversary Sunday, as it coincided with the first anniversary of the tragedy at the PhilSports Arena (formerly Ultra, in Pasig City), which killed 71 audience members in a stampede.

Willie says he didn't make plans himself.

"But we had a mass with the network's big bosses (Gabby Lopez and Charo Santos, among others) and some of the families (of the victims) earlier today (on Feb. 2)," he explains.

He decided not to attend the mass, though. "I was afraid I'd get too emotional. Kasi dinadala ko 'yan e (I still carry that inside me)."

Even so, he later insists that he has recovered from what he once described as a "nightmarish" ordeal.

He recounts for Inquirer Entertainment: "I went to the morgue [in the stampede aftermath]. I wasn't afraid. I said sorry to each corpse, all 71 of them. Nanay, Tatay, humihingi po ako ng paumanhin, ng tawad, hindi po namin gusto ang nangyari. (Mother, Father, I seek your forgiveness. We didn't want any of this to happen). No one knows that I did this because no one else was allowed inside the morgue. I actually talked with the dead."

He also recounts that, at the various wakes, he felt thoroughly conflicted whenever the families asked him to pose for snapshots beside the coffins.

"I remember asking myself: Why did we have to meet this way? But I can never forget the daughter of one of the victims. She told me that her mother had a manicure before going to the Ultra. She said her mom had wanted to look her best, in case she got to meet me. So that if she got close enough to hold me, her hands would be soft and beautiful. That was because her mom was a laundry woman."

Willie says that it is the victims' stories that sustain him to this day.

He asserts, "I'm okay now. After the stampede, so many things have happened. So many trials and crises in my personal life and in my career. Problems about the show. My family."

He sighs. "But that's life. What is important is to learn from that unfortunate incident. That we should take all the precautions. We should double check, triple check everything. I think these lessons are not just for 'Wowowee,' not just for ABS-CBN. It's for all the producers of shows (and other big events). It's a reminder for everyone in the industry. We should value the people who watch our shows and do everything to secure their safety."